I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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