If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
