We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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