I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
