My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
