Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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