I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
