I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
