3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
