if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
