I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
