Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
