I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Someone came in the potted fern
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
