we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
