I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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