I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
the liver wants what the liver wants
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
