Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
