I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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