I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize