Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
