Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
