i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
