I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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