You smell like a Billy Joel song
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
