I think my vagina is haunted
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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