U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
