I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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