I need help removing her.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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