Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
