I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
