it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
