'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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