If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
