This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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