My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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