i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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