every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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