Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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