Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize