On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
