Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
