cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
