That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
