Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
