I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
