Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
