This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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