I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
