I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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