I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
