Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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