Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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