Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
