i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
