Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
