Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
