Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
