Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
