It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
