Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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