that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
