my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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