girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
