btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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