Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
