I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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