So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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