Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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