i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
