Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
