My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
