did you get engaged???
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
