My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
