dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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