My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
